I was chatting it up on the phone with my mom the other day and I confessed to her that I'm enjoying my life so much right now that I'm kind of waiting for the other "hand to drop." She quickly corrected me... "the expression is waiting for the other shoe to drop." Whatever the case, taking care of our sweet son and our beautiful home is no easy task but I'm learning to love it more and more everyday. On Monday night a couple we barely know from church called and invited us over for dinner. Since I hadn't started cooking I jumped on the opportunity to get a break and some good company. There were three couples present that night and as conversation moved from the trivial, to politics, and finally to our personal struggles, I found out that the couple who'd opened their home to us so graciously had lost their 2-year old son four years ago when he tragically drowned in their backyard swimming pool. A few weeks ago our neighbor Tim came over late one night and talked to us for a few hours about suffering and the goodness of God. After hearing about just a few of the things he's gone through recently it was enough to scare me. God loves me but I have no idea what He may allow to happen in my life in the future. I can't control or prevent the inevitable tragedies. Anyone who believes that they will never go through hard times is delusional or in the grips of some serious denial. This thought has honestly had me questioning the goodness of God lately. I love my husband and my little son, and I don't want anything to change but change is as unavoidable as the spring rains. I'm so afraid, but perfect love casts out fear for fear has to do with punishment...I think that's part of what I'm afraid of. I know myself and my imperfections and part of me thinks that God has it out for me because I can't do things right. But why don't I take His promises to heart? He has given me Christ's record of righteousness and bound me to Himself in unshakable love. He has promised to weave every joy and sorrow of my little life together into something beautiful.
"Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?"- Job 2:10b
He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."- Job 1:21
Man, Job is something else...he lost all of his children, his wealth, his wife, and his health in a day. He had some serious questions but he refused to shake his fist at God. Lord let my heart believe and cling to Your goodness like Job did.
